I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
