Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need a beard to bite.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
