i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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