Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
