she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
