we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
