You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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