Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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