i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
