Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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