What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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