jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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