so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
