physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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