the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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