im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
