using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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