How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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