did you get engaged???
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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