Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
two words: eviction party
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
