dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize