There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
