He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
