remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
