your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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