I am in a vortex of obligation.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
