When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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