I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
