That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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