Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
