I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
