the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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