I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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