Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
