I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
