i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
