After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
