she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
