Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
