dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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