i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
