Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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