I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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