That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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