i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
