Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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