would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
