Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
