I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
