remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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