well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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