I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
