i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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