I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
