I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
