Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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