I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pants are for mortals
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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