Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
