Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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