Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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