I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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