i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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