I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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