East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
