We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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