the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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