You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
