What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
