the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My vagina just clenched in fear
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
