I heard we made out
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
