when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
