her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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