I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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